Is Lupus sabotaging your love life?

Last August, I returned to world of dating since the failing of my kidney transplant two months prior. It was my first date in over a year. It felt foreign but I knew it was to time meet new people and have some fun. I did everything to try and hide how nervous I was and I succeeded for the most part. It was a blessing the guy was silly and a gentleman it eased my nervous and helped me relax; until small talk grew deeper. I remember thinking how do I avoid talking about my health and the events of the this year. Prior to August, I spent 7 months in and out the hospital fighting a viral infection that ultimately led to the failing of my kidney transplant of 10 years. My social and career life had been placed on hold. Now bing back on dialysis and feeling somewhat confidant I decided to open myself to dating again. Mentally role playing my medical history trying not to sound like I'm terminally ill yet still desirable was an absolute fail. So I said hell enjoy this moment while it last, this man is going to never call me again if I tell him the truth.

As conversation continued I realized 1) I am a terrible liar because I could not find any excuse to cover up my present truth and 2) I have allowed lupus to make me insecure. So I told him and surprisingly enough he took it better than I expected. In fact the date was one of the best in a long time. My transparency opened a door I had never experienced before, freedom! Freedom, to be myself without the fear of being judged or unaccepted. Trying to avoid sharing my life with lupus only enhanced my feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Since our date we hung out a several times and became good friends. I have learned as women we get so caught up in over analyzing we mentally sabotage ourselves and miss opportunities that are met to bless us. When it comes to dating we will think ourselves out of a second date and potential relationship due to fear and insecurity. I have seen this in my own life and many lives of women from all walks of life. When you create a mindset of self-affirmation, your lifestyle will reflect it and you will attract the right man and people in your life that will create meaningful and fulfilling relationships. This can be done by speaking positive words that remind yourself of what makes you great and unique.

"I am beautiful"

"I have a gorgeous smile"

"I am smart and funny"

Self-affirmations can also speak of what you intend to receive in your life.

"Love is all around me"

"I attract intelligent and handsome men"

"I have lupus but lupus doesn't control my happiness"

No matter where you are in your lupus journey there is someone who will love and support you through it; you have to make the choice to believe. Since the age of 11 it has been my life vision to be a wife and mother. 21 years later I still live with this expectancy. I still struggle with lupus creating self-doubt an insecurity; but Rome wasn't built in a day and mastering my self-affirmation is a daily practice. I want to not only feel confident in dating with lupus but in all my relationships family, friends, and business. I am learning to be patient and not only speak positive things to myself but live and do them. Take a moment and write down everything great about you. Then post them around your house read them daily until your life reflects it.

Cheers,

-BL