Goodbye 2016

I started this year with uncertainty and I am ending with a fresh perspective of my purpose. In June, I faced one of my biggest fears. Although, I lived through it I am still coping and grieving over the loss. Ten years of my life was taken away from me in the matter of months and I did not understand why. I went from competing in my first bodybuilding bikini competition to 7 hospital stays that resulted in the loss of my kidney transplant. No matter how hard I fought my body was not strong enough to maintain a homeostatic state for my kidney to survive. It hurt to the core I prayed, cried, and asked God why at this point in my life. While I am waiting for God to show me why, I am confident He does not make mistakes. My favorite inspirational radio host Willie Moore, JR. often says “God adds to bless you and subtracts to protect you.” This is a humbling reminder of God’s sovereignty over my life. I find peace in knowing I can trust God’s plan when mine fails.

In my 20 years of living with lupus I have always overcome every health setback, that is the fighter in me. For the first time, I realized not everyone is equipped with the faith and strength to help me during my health trials. This past year I often found myself alone and depending on my own strength and prayer to fight. As I drew in deeper the attacks began to come in all directions work discrimination, depression, and being told by a family friend I was not longer welcome in their home because of my chronic disease. 2016 opened my eyes to understanding while I may be afflicted I am not defeated. Life is a choice and I still have time to live mine if I choose. I don’t have to give up on my dreams of entrepreneurship, marriage, motherhood, and traveling the world. If I plan to live a purposeful life; I have to prepare for it. It is more than going to college and getting a job with good benefits but strategically planning to live to work and not working to live. The medical community does not provide patients with sound resources to live our lives happily. Their job is to diagnose and treat. However, it is applying the prescribed treatment to the lifestyles we create that determine how well we live with our diagnosis. It amazes me when I share my lupus testimony of how people share negative stories of someone they know who has lupus or died from lupus. I wonder if this person they speak of choose to live? What tools prepared them? Who supported them? In 2017, I hope to challenge lupus patients and others living with an invisible disease to choose life. And live the life they always dreamed of despite their diagnosis.